In my sweet little modern family, E reserves ALL hard, interesting and awkward questions for me. Daddy gets asked things such as, "what day is it today"
, "can I stay up 5 more minutes" and "can Doc McStuffins come to our house?"
In the past 24 hours (I kid you not) I have been asked, "Who made God", "Where do babies come from before they live in mommies tummies", "Are you sad God didn't put me in your tummy instead of my mommies?" (holy tearjerker on that one) And "Can we have an elephant?" to name a few.
E recently learned about Heaven and decided to tell me all about it 3 weeks ago . Little one looks at me before bath time and asked me if I knew where my knew home was going to be, since I had no intention of moving I tilted my head in question and answered with a quick no. he responded that when we die we go to heaven to live with God and Jesus and that's our new home, oh and we also get to fly really fast! Now he does go to a religious pre-school but this took me totally by surprise who expects a statement like that out of the mouth of a 4 yr old?
After talking a bit more I figured out that he had asked his mom's ,mom where her dad was and this had sparked the heaven talk.
The week prior to this while driving we had the country music blasting and the windows down and Eric Church's "Like Jesus Does" came on, E pipes up from the back "He said Jesus!" I assured him that It was ok and this was a nice song talking about how a lady loves him just like Jesus loves us sooo much. He took that opportunity to reiterate what I had just said as if teaching me and it's since become one of his favorite driving songs when he hears it come on the radio.
We also grappled with "who made me", "who made my mommy and daddy" "who made them" and "who made God". These questions left me thinking a lot about how inquisitive I was as a child and the answers that my parents gave to me. I try very hard to give him age appropriate answers and make everything very easy for him because I know how hard it is when you're little and you just don't get it. But man, I come back from our conversations and think to myself how did I get myself OUT of that one?!?! where did I find the answer and how did I know what to say?! I somehow keep finding the RIGHT answers and I'm so thankful for that.
The aftermath of last night's question's definitely left me wondering how I found the strength, in hindsight I have no idea. I am "stepmom" for all intents and purposes. I buy clothes and food, I feed and worry about sugar intake and red dye 40. I take my camera everywhere and document karate and tball practice but I AM NOT MOM and I am not legally stepmom. E has a mom who loves him very much. However, I could not love this little boy more if I had known him those first 9mos or even those first few years. He is just as much a part of my heart as any other child I will ever have. So that is why last night left me with tears in my eyes.
Last night E told me that mommmy said babies are in mommies tummies before they are "here" with us. I told him that this is very true. "BUT, but where are they before they are in their mommies tummies?" I knew his discussion with mom had left some questions and I knew I was in for quite a few.
I told him the only thing I knew to tell him, that God has the babies in heaven with him and when he finds the perfect mommy and daddy for that baby then he sends the baby to the mommies tummy. He was a little confused about heaven being a before and after and we plotted that out for a moment and that seemed to make him happy. Then he wanted to know if it's hard to walk with a baby in your belly lol. Then the big one, "was I sad that God hadn't sent him to my tummy instead of his moms?"
HOLY HELL, you are supposed to be 4.5 years old....I am not prepared for things like this. yet somehow I didn't skip a beat. I told him that his mommy and daddy are the perfect mommy and daddy for him and I am soooooooo glad that God sent him to them and now I get to share him with them and that makes me so happy. satisfied with that answer he moved onto the next, "do you ever want to have baby in your tummy" oh boy. Well,theres only E and we love you soo much ( as he interrupted me to let me know there are ACTUALLY 3little boys named E in his class) so we'd have to talk about it as a family with me, you and daddy. Aaaaand then I was interrupted again as E frantically reminded me that only I could have a baby, daddy and him couldn't! Remember you said only girls can have babies! And again I assured him that I meant we would all just talk about it and make sure we all wanted one one day , but not at bed time, "because daddy's the coach of the house?" um ok sure, I mean we are a team, lol.
And that was last night.
TODAY I got told it would be really cool if we could get an elephant or a giraffe. So sometimes I think he's a genius and other times I know he's 4.5. As hard as some as these questions may be, I'm thankful he loves and trusts me enough to come to me with them, and I wouldn't trade them for the world. And don't tell, but I'm kind of on his side with elephant, esp a mini elephant, how cool would that be!?!